Letting go of what was

I gave up thescreamergirl.com last year. Just let it go. It was sad for me, in a way, but in all honesty, the website had a great run and had it's run at popularity and fun.

I don't think of myself as The Screamer Girl anymore. She was me, 100%, but I haven't participated in the BDSM community for many years. No conferences, no local groups, no active writing and teaching. I get a hankering for it once in awhile, and I still have a very active interest and fantasy life in BDSM but I don't do much as far as participation anymore. Some days I'm fine with that. On a rare day, I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be Screamer again. But having it - the d/s part anyway - in my life on an occasional basis would be very good for me.

In the last six months, I've written no erotica. My mind has been occupied with many other things. Gaming, work...work has gotten much busier and stressful... my grandmother passed away.... trying to get divorced (well, I would be if I could find the other party in the case ...). Most of my attention been focused decidedly OFF the areas of my brain that drive my sexual imagination, and besides a few very nice days with a friend who pushes the right buttons, it's been off the physical side of my sexuality as well.

*sigh* I miss it. I am hoping that starting to write here --- to express myself in this manner --- to think about sex, talk about sex --- will fire me back up. Actually, it already sort of has.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste (god, I'm quoting tshirts now ...).

I'm tired of wasting mine.