Dare to...

.. to what? be myself?

You know, I keep two bloggers these days. This one, and one over at Yahoo that's a little more...politically correct I suppose. It's also the one that's hooked to some of my EverQuest friends, specifically some that I met in Philly in August. I wouldn't dare talk about half the things I've rambled on and on about in the last nearly 4 years here.

But I dunno why not.

I mean, this *is* me. I *am* the kinky little bitch who likes a good spankin' sometimes, and enjoys the feel of rope or cuffs around her wrists and ankles /shrug. This *is* me. I've bled for a man who wanted to make me bleed. I've cried. I've cum. And I've enjoyed every minute (ok, not so much every minute, I'm not a masochist) of it.

Okay, so I still dunno. It's probably got a lot to do with propriety, and the way I was raised. It's also probably got to do with the fact that - just because this *is* me, and how I am, doesn't mean everyone *wants* to know about it, and I'd rather they asked than me parading it around.

This all comes up this morning for a reason. And it's kind of a dumb reason so I hesitate to share it at all, but it's probably good for me to write about it.

Last spring, when I ended a year + long relationship with an EQ partner, I almost quit the game (again). Something kept me there, tho. After about a month, I started flirting with another guy - a safe guy, who lives in England - wayyyyyy far away from me (lol). Now, that was about six months ago.

I've been very open with him (he even knows I write BDSM erotica, tho it certainly freaked him a bit), and he hasn't been very open with me. As a matter of fact, right before I left for VA in September, he started talking about "blurring the lines" between the game and reality, and sometimes he "had to remember that I'm actually 4K miles away". But since I got back... he's been quiet, withdrawn from me. He always says hello and never says goodnight anymore. /shrug It's just gotten weird, I guess and it's bummed me out.

I mean, okay - look - he's as vanilla as they come and is not a good "partner" for me. Remember me talking about settling yesterday? Yea, this is kind of where that came form. It's not like I'm in anything more than "like" with this guy. It's an affectionate friendship, and it's not any kind of cybor-passions thing - it's just cute and fun. So, why would it bother me so much when he doesn't say goodnight for a week in a row? /eyeroll.

Maybe because EQ has - once again - become WAY too much of a focus in my life, and I need to back off it - again.

I'm sure that's it *laugh*