Collected

Over the last 13 years, I have amassed quiet a collection of bdsm paraphenalia. Mostly toys right now - the clothes/boots/shoes I had are mostly too big for me now. I brought the last bit of them home from Virginia on this last trip. It was mostly the "stand up" stuff: canes, crops, spreader bars, the like. My violet wand also came home, though I'll likely sell that as I do not enjoy using it or having it used on me.

So now that I have this rather large collection (once estimated at about five thousand dollars in value) in my possession and - no real drive to find someone to use it. Not now, at least. Not until I finish "settling in" to my future life as a twice divorced woman, looking for some fulfillment without any kind of ring on my finger.

Yup, I said it. And as of right now, I mean it too. I have absolutely no desire to be married again. I've spent the last two years living alone - a record for me, really - and as lonely as it gets sometimes, I can truthfully say I have no desire to share my personal space with another person right now.

I thought for awhile - when it first occured to me that I felt that way - that it was bitterness, but it's not. It's a choice, a preference. A lover would be nice. A lover who was a competent dominant would be a huge bonus. But more than that? No, not now.

((And here's a hint for the ladies: if you feel that way, don't put it in any kind of profile. No matter how many times you say "no married men" after they read "no commitment" they consider you fair game. Really. Guys, take a hint: no married men means - no married men.))

So for now, the collection collects nothing but dust.

Maybe eventually, I'll be settled enough to look. But right now, if it doesn't fall into my lap... it's not gonna happen.