So. Is this ds stuff all about sex?

Yes and no. How’s that? For me, (emphasizing the ME part), ds is the relationship in which other things can come from and be sexual.

For instance: Bondage. I love bondage. C used to, but I think he’s either bored with it, or it doesn’t hold his attention anymore, or he’s simply too lazy (which is not me slamming him – he says it, too) to do it anymore. Bondage is a separate experience, for me, from ds, but it’s because we have the ds and the trust that it builds, that I can allow myself to get tied up in the first place. I don’t consider anything he asks me or tells me to do while I’m bound to be submission – at that point, I don’t really have a choice, do I? When I submit, I make a conscious choice to submit. I guess you could say that I submit to being tied up, but hell – when I want it, anyway, I don’t consider it such. Is bondage sexual for me? It can be, yes. It isn’t always, but it certainly can be, and it surely adds a level of intensity to a sexual experience. I want to talk more about bondage later, but we’re specifically talking about sex right now, so I’ll save it.

For Instance: Spanking. As you’ve read over the past few days, this is a hot topic around our house. C was surprised about how ready I was for sex after our little spanking escapade the other night. I don’t think that that was from the spanking itself, but from the active domination on his part during the spanking. I could be wrong about that. But that’s my story right now and I’m sticking to it.

For Instance: Active Domination. Okay, I guess I better start by explaining that term, eh?. C and I have a ds relationship. But most of the time, for us , that doesn’t involve any “me tarzan, you fix dinner” kinda stuff. It’s more about service, not about instruction or orders. Example: yesterday, while he was gone, knowing he had duty today, I washed his camo and hung it all up together, with everything else he’d need to put on this morning. He didn’t ask me to do it – hell, it wasn’t even in the laundry basket, but I knew he had duty today and that he’d want it cleaned and ready to go. I call that pro-active. I don’t wait to be told that something needs to be done – I just do it, if I see it. There are other things that come up under service: he’ll ask me to look something up online or pick up his stuff from the dry cleaners. But that’s, for me, all about being a service submissive. Active domination, however, is something he doesn’t do often – but when he does, it becomes very sexual for me. That doesn’t mean we’re going to have sex, but it’s a sexual turn-on for me. Active domination provokes a very immediate, very specific response – which is total and complete submission without question. Grabbing me by the hair, a light slap to the face, certain words strung together in a sentence which is growled rather than spoken. These things – for me – are shows of active dominance. And these things – for me – are very sexual.

In all three of the above instances (and there are many more, but I don’t want to spend all afternoon explaining this) – Bondage, Spanking and Active Dominance – are sexual in nature, but wouldn’t be nearly as intense or even possible without the basis of our ds relationship.