I own an email list called StrictlyDs that is a discussion list for folks involved in ds relationships. My friend S. and I started the list over three years ago in hopes of filling a gap in the discussions that we had found, which tended to mix up ds and SM all into one topic. The list has had anywhere from 200 – 1000 people on it at any given time, but now hovers around the 500 member mark mostly. We have more lurkers than participants, but it works out well for us.

The most interesting topics come up on that list. (we also have a sister list - StrictlySM to discuss SM issues).

Recently, we’ve been discussing how love can impact or enhance a ds relationship. This kind of hit home for me, and when discussing it on the list, I used the spanking incident as an example. Spanking is something C. likes. He’s very careful (sometimes too careful? I dunno.) to make sure I’m not going to have any weird-ass emotional issues with something he wants to do. I attribute that to the fact that he loves me. If he didn’t – if we were just play partners, I don’t think he’d worry so much about what I liked or didn’t like. Some folks’ said basically the same thing about their relationships. Other folks’ said that their dominant partner felt freer to explore strange things, because of the trust involved in the relationship. I see that going both ways. Sometimes, I’m grateful that C. is as careful as he is when it comes to stuff like that, and other times, I wish he trusted me more to not freak out when he wanted to do something that was different than what we’ve done before. Hell, I like surprises, too .