House Full of Reasons

Tonight, while screwing around with my Facebook (yes I have one and myspace too shut up), I was digging around on an application called "iLike", which has music and videos and such. Always, when I find one of these, I put in a couple of artists that aren't really very popular though they consistently turn out music that I love. One of those is Jude Cole.

I was pleased to find a page for him. Very pleased. I have all of his CDs, but I clicked on a song to listen to while I messed around with something else, and one caught my eye that I really wanted to hear. "House Full of Reasons" from Jude's CD "A View from 3rd Street"

Huh.

This has been a "House Full of Reasons" around here lately, too. I think I've thrown away more ticket stubs (plane tickets, movie tickets, receipts...) and t shirts... I even put away my most prized Harley thermal shirt from Atascadero, California (one of my first after M got the bike) to give to my mom. Honestly, the shirt is way too big and my mom has always coveted it (along with my jacket which I am not quite ready to part with). I don't for a minute think that any of this has been conscious. But it's definitely been happening and I am neither worse or sad for it. I even pulled a frame out of the closet that my mom made for C and I when we got married, and I'm giving it back to her so she can re-use the frame for something else.

I've said to a couple of people that I recently that "Marriage does not agree with me" but the truth is -- maybe it's just that I've made bad choices. Okay, okay I know I've made bad choices. That doesn't mean I want to break or even tie my grandmother's trips down the aisle (three, but that's not as bad as it sounds). I'm just much more willing to admit now that I did suck in those relationships and I'm willing to bear my burden of blame for their failure but their failure is not completely my fault, either.

Fact is, though, that I'm doing some emotional and physical housecleaning and as it turns out, my house definitely needed it. And so did I.

Maybe my subconscious is making room. I hope so.