One of the Three

I've mentioned that I keep a list of topics I want to write about here. Awhile back, I lost my list and had to try to remember what was on it, but now I've pretty much been through all of those topics, plus ones that came up while writing the original ones (love how that happens), except for one.

I don't find myself shying away from stuff very often, as far as my writing goes. I'll take on whatever taboo subject that I can think of, and while I may not get into deep detail with it, I've never *not written about something out of any fear that readers here would take it badly.

But this one... I don't know. Something has kept me from writing about it. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have written about it before, but not in this way, in this direction, which is why it was on the list in the first place. It was something I felt the need to explain; to explore further outside of the fantasy/sexual aspects of it. (I started this Thursday, and am finishing it today, Saturday. That should tell you something *grin)

So while I was working on two other topics Thursday night (yes, I had 2 word files open and was working on two during the same time period. Apparently, my mind had a backlog :p), this one kept creeping into my head, nagging at me, pulling at my shirttails and whining like a petulant ....

child.

Yup. That’s what it is all right.

Princess is a Daddy’s Girl, even if Daddy’s Not Around

I have these different girls who live inside my head. Everyone has different people in their heads; whether they recognize them or not is a whole other story, but I’ve come not only to recognize mine, but revel in them and feed them whenever possible.

I’m not talking about The Anal Retentive Systems Analyst, or My Parent’s Responsible Daughter. I’m not even talking about Miss Verbose, Miss Comedian or Miss Sympathetic Ear.

No, I’m talking about the girls who live inside me who are wrapped around my sexual life.

There are three of them that I’ve recognized and embraced – four, if you include Just Jill. In addition to The Princess, there are the two others; The Insatiable Slut(who wants what she wants when she wants it, but will do what you tell her if she knows she’ll get it) and the Unabashed Tease (who will torment you until you absolutely HAVE to take her your way) . Of the three, I’d say Princess is the least seen and heard from. The other two are much more boisterous and ‘typical’ of my personality. In a perfect world, the other two would get the most airtime, but the Princess would always be lurking in the background, waiting for that one moment when she can come out and play.

I’ve gone into some amount of detail in the past about age play, and my experiences with it. (See any or all of these)
Daddy, Sugar and Spice, The Ad, What A Bad Girl Gets, Oedipus In Opposite.

When age-play first became a desire, and a part of my sex life, it was pretty much right what I wanted it to be. M took it in a deeper, darker direction and while I did enjoy playing that with him on the rare chances it became an option, it wasn’t what I wanted it to be when we started.

And I think that now – having been out of that relationship for 8 years, and into another with C that offered *no opportunity to explore it (C was adamantly against it), I’ve had the chance to reflect back on it, and try to get back to what I felt the very first time I ever called a lover of mine “Daddy”.

For people who revel in the chance to be as ‘un-vanilla’ as possible, any time they get to play with something that’s taboo is a good time. And make no mistake about it, the whole age-play thing for a lot of people borders on the very edge of totally unacceptable. Lots of people look on it as if it’s some kind of incest-wannabe activity, but until M drove us to that destination, it was definitely not on my itinerary. No, my desire to call him Daddy had much more to do with innocence than it did incest.

I wanted to be the innocent girl, taken by an older man who cared about me, was patient with my inexperience, and who wanted me despite the fact that it was ‘wrong’.

“Princess” came to be from that; sharing my fantasies and thoughts on the subject with a friend, who took it upon himself to feed me a bit of that, to see how I’d grow into it. It was an enjoyable experience, and one that inspired me to write heavily about sex and innocence and age-play for a period of time.

Princess went unheard for a long while after that. I don’t know if I’d put her away, or if she’d simply taken it upon herself to remain quiet until someone else came into my life that would fit that bill; that I trusted enough to share her with. She’s peeked out again over the last couple of months, but she’s a bit shyer now. Maybe because she worries about how she’ll be reacted to, maybe because she’s just not quite sure if it’s the right time or not.


Or maybe because she’s afraid to call someone “Daddy” again.

Despite all that, the Princess is alive and kicking, and even made a brief though silent appearance last night while I was talking to a friend. I’ve been thinking about her since.

I’ve written before about how the “Daddy” thing isn’t necessary for me to be able to tap into the innocent part of myself. Any older authority figure would probably work just as well; and has, in my writing at least. “Daddy” just adds an edge to it, makes it even more taboo and ‘dirty’.

(I’m going to use Daddy here, just because it’s easier to type than Older Authority Figure)

So what is it that the Princess wants, and what makes her so appealing to me?

Princess wants Daddy’s attention. She wants to make Daddy happy. She’s willing to do whatever it takes to do that, even if she’s scared by it. Her fear is part of her appeal. But only part of it. Her wide-eyed innocence is also part of it. And the rest is covered simply by the pure desire to please, and the fact that she’s enjoying what he’s doing, despite the fact that she’s scared by it, and she shouldn’t be doing it…

…or wait…

Is the fact that she shouldn’t be doing it the bigger part? /grin She is a good girl, after all… right? Right?? She’s only doing it because it’s what he wants, and the fact that she’s soaking wet and on the verge of an orgasm the whole time shouldn’t mean she’s bad… There are just so many layers and levels to the entire age-play scenario, and so many ways to use a little of it, or a lot, depending on what feeds your erotic mind.

Sexuality is a rich, fluid part of our lives – or, at least it can be, if you’re willing to embrace the parts of yourself that hide in your head and rarely get heard.

Princess got heard loud and clear today, because she was woken up last night. And if for no other reason, I’m grateful for that, because I could finally get this sorted out and finish writing it. Having spent as much time thinking, fantasizing and writing about this particular subject, you’d think these posts would be easy for me, but somehow, they still aren’t. Somehow, her soft voice and quiet whimpers often get drowned out by the other, more insistent girls who live inside my head ….