"Daddy"

So.

In speaking with one of the dominants I’m getting to know the other night, the subject of “daddy” came up. I have in my profile that that’s something I’m interested in, and have played with before, but he asked me a point blank question, and in truth, I wasn’t sure how to answer it.

(forgive me, S**, I’ll never remember exactly how you worded this…)

The question was something like “Is it really Daddy, or is it just the older man and the younger innocent girl?”

The question actually kinda stopped me in my tracks, because until he said that, I hadn’t ever given it much thought. Truth is, I lost my virginity at 16 tied to my older (23) boyfriend’s waterbed. I have typically liked older men for many reasons (also like younger ones for other reasons entirely).

I’ve done a lot of driving in the last few days. Went up to the Portage area for a meet and greet Friday night, and went to my folks’ yesterday. Car time is think time for me, typically, so I did give this question some thought.

I don’t have any unresolved feelings about my real dad. He’s a great guy – kind, intelligent, affectionate – strict when he had to be (I turned into a wild child at 16, go figure). I find that typically while most people will put the stigma of unresolved issues as an explanation for age play, it’s not really all that true.

My first real experience with age play was in CA, when I was with M. I’m not sure how it started, or why – but it did, and it gave me such a huge burst of sexual strength and energy that I started to crave it. Eventually, we settled into a pattern where “Marie” (my inner child *snicker*) got to come out and play every few months, and that worked for me. In truth, setting aside all of your life experience as an adult to play the part of a 12-14 year old virginal being is not an easy thing. It takes a lot of energy just letting all of your knowledge go for a period of time, and just “being” a child. Not that it isn’t rewarding, fun or sexy as hell – it’s just something that I typically like to mentally prepare for.

I haven’t played with it much since M. My ex, C, didn’t find it remotely appealing (for whatever reason) so it never came into our relationship, and the other brief encounters I’ve had in the last 12 years never felt comfortable enough to bring that out. That’s why I put it in my profile. It’s something I’d like to play with again, to an extent.

I’m finding that there are all sorts of daddy/daughter scenarios. Some I find appealing, some I truly don’t. (I was talking to a dominant, first conversation, and he started to type out this long thing about not doing my homework, and then peeing in the toilet and dipping my toothbrush in it, then brushing my teeth and I just kinda went…uh, pass. Thanks, but not what I’m into).

So, what am I looking for with this?

That’s a really good question that deserves a really good answer. I like the release. I like reverting to a place in time where I had no sexual knowledge or experience, and had to be shown or told what to do, and how to do it. I like the security of that first experience being with someone I “know, love and trust”. It allows an openness and a vulnerability that I do not allow myself very often (I’ve been called a tough cookie more than once in my life, and I do tend to build walls when I’m feeling … not quite safe). (that’s typically why I’m a fan of bondage as well – it removes my ability to argue internally).

And so, would that have to be Daddy? No, I guess in truth it wouldn’t. It could be any older male figure. Daddy, to me, is the most intense of them, but it wouldn’t have to be that. Just someone who made me feel safe and secure enough to let it all go.

I’m still thinking about this, so maybe more to come.

S** is one of the dominants I’ve been chatting with. His name actually begins wit a C, however, so does my ex’s and that would be confusing. S is for his handle. Or Sir :P