Yesterday was a bit of a better day. I started coming out of the funk somewhat, though I still feel it hinging there, on the edge. It’s not like the frustration is gone or anything, but I’ve pushed it back a ways so that I can concentrate on a few other things. This morning, I feel the same.

I’m making some lotion this morning. I have a few more batches of soap to make, too, but I want to get the lotion done, as the list is much longer. I can’t wrap any of the soap I have sitting out, so I need something to occupy some time. I also have a new body butter recipe to formulate – will probably wait til next week to do that.

My dad called last night. They took my grandfather to the hospital – he had some very bad blockage in his arteries, and they put some stints in. Dad says he’s doing pretty well and is as cranky as ever. It reminds me how lucky I am at 38 years old to still have two of my grandparents. Course, it also reminds me that my sister is the bitch-beast from hell, but hey.

I finally got the other paddle I won off of Fetish Auctioneer (http://www.fetishauctioneer2.com/) awhile back. Its lexan, and I’ve hidden it. It’s a nasty little thing (not so little) and I’m not ready to give it to C. yet. Maybe when things calm down, and we can spend some time relaxing. Right now, if I give it to him, it’s going to just add more pressure on top of what’s already there.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about spanking/domestic discipline (although most of this is female spanking male so it’s not applicable)/paddling, etc. It’s so weird, because you’d think that this is something I’d have been “in to” for a long time, because it fits in with the whole age-play fantasy thing I have, but because of reasons I’ve already stated (and probably a few I haven’t found yet), I blocked it completely out of what I wanted. I may not be doing this as much for C as I thought I was – it may be just “time” for me to get past whatever fucked-up thing blocked this out for me, and let it in.

I want to talk about bondage but I’ve got to go check the lotion. More later probably.