I was sleeping when the phone rang. Since I re-arranged the bedroom, the phone is clear across the room, and I didn’t feel like answering it. I got up shortly thereafter, went into the computer room to check the caller ID and it was C. (I should say here, that when I got home from dropping him off this morning, I left him a voice mail and explained why I was upset). He left me a voice mail, which said – he was sorry, that he loved me…

… and that the boat was leaving tomorrow for a week.

I don’t care upset you are with someone, when you face the idea of spending a week away from them, especially when there are unresolved issues – you crash.

I called him back, and luckily he was outside smoking cigarettes. He said he wanted to see me before he leaves. So I’m going to go to base in the morning and take his shaving kit and such (he didn’t take them – didn’t know they were leaving I guess).

When I called him this morning, I was crying. He doesn’t see or hear me cry much anymore. I tell people that I cried myself dry in my last relationship and there just aren’t any tears left in there, but that’s not true. They’re there. They just don’t appear very often. I don’t think I hold them in intentionally. I’m not sure why I don’t cry much.

Truthfully, I feel like a spoiled brat right now. I know I shouldn’t, because my needs and wants are as important as C’s needs and wants, but I think we’ve both been acting bratty. The stress is bad, and the tensions are high and neither one of us has what we want entirely. I’m not even sure either one of us has what we need. But again – we’re adults and we chose this life and in trying to make the best of it, we have a fuckload of lessons to learn about getting what we need without ripping each other apart.

Nothing like the prospect of a week alone to make you straighten your priorities out, eh?