I get it.

Side note: Been a while since I was chomping at the bit to get home so I could write. *grin. For someone with a creative soul, that’s a beautiful thing.

I spent the biggest part of my little vacation with friends in Virginia. While I’ll admit that it was odd to get off that plane in Newport News and know that C wasn’t there (he’s at his Dad’s house, fixing it up supposedly). Since 2002, he’s been there, and when I’ve flown in and out of there, it was to see him first and foremost. It was actually a bit empowering that this trip was selfishly and completely for me.

Anyway. Whenever I go to stay with anyone, or am hanging out with someone new, I tell them about the band. Not to brag about my weight loss or anything; but because the fact of the matter is, I eat – weird. Sometimes I can eat more than other times, but typically there are some things I can eat, and some I can’t eat. It’s just a fact. So I feel the need to explain so they don’t think I a) am rude, b) don’t like their food, or c) have some kind of eating disorder.

So I go into my whole spiel about the surgery and one of my friends looks at me and says something to the effect of – he can’t imagine me ‘big’ because I have always been ‘little’ since we met.

Little? LITTLE? Did the man say L I T T L E ?????

First time in my life, ever, I heard myself referred to as *that. And I gotta tell ya. If that’s not a huge boost of confidence, nothing is. I’m still high from that today I think. And to be completely honest, that one sentence made the rest of my trip so much easier and even more empowering than before.

That’s just part of the reason I’m still grinning like a fool. (Eventually I'll tell you the rest of the reason. Patience~)

I mean, all right. I’m not “little”. I’m a size 12, which is one size below the national average for women. My chest is still too big to fit into most of the “cute” shirts at the mall, and my legs definitely need some work. But compared to where I was two years ago? In clothing sizes, I am half of what I was. And 57% of the weight I was at. Some mornings I am absolutely awestruck by that. The last two days I’ve worn sweaters to work that I wouldn’t have worn a couple weeks ago even, because they actually fit, and I still tend to wear clothes too big. (I’d have worn them with another sweater or a shirt over them, but not on their own). I’m starting to fit into my body again. That’s a marvelous feeling.

The best part? Is that it carries into all other parts of my life. Work, writing, home, relationships. I finally – finally! – saw myself through someone else’s eyes this weekend and I’m blown away by what I found there.

On the band message board I belong to, the people talk about an “ah-HA” moment in their weight loss where they finally ‘get it’.

I got it.

And baby do I intend to use it~