Ask, Say, Do

Conumdrums are easy to come by in D/s. Do it, or don't do it. Say it, or don't say it. Ask, or beg, or remain silent.

Maybe that's part of what some of us like. The decisions, the "do I or don't I?". I'll admit that sometimes it certainly does add a bit of steam.

But at other times, it's downright agonizing.

I tend to ask, say or at least ask to say or do. Especially as I get more comfortable with someone and their likes, desires and moods.

But I see where it's a problem. The submissive wants to be pleasing, and do what she's told. She wants to bring the dominant the most pleasure she can - but what if she's unsure how to do that? And he's not guiding her enough to make her comfortable? Then what?

Well, then you ask.

The start of nearly every D/s relationship is exactly that way - do I ask or don't I? - unless they are negotiated within an inch of their lives. I like negitioation, don't get me wrong. But as my friend P. once said about a very famous SM author: "He's the only person I had to safeword with during negotiations." They can be too much. You can zap every ounce of spontaneity right out of a scene, weekend, relationship. And who wants that?

(OK, I know some of you may actually want that, sorry. But for me, without that element of - what's next! - it loses something for me.)

I like a bit of wiggle room. I like to be able to do something that I know would please him without fear of it upsetting him. I could never be with someone who demanded that "do what you're told to do and nothing else." That would frustrate me, and make me somewhat sad. (Let me clarify that a bit. That's a full time thing, not a scene, weekend or evening. It can be fun during short bursts to have ALL choice and free will removed *Grin*)