Yearn

As of today, C has been gone for 2 months, 7 days. The first two months he was gone didn't phase me much. I kept so busy with stuff around here that while I missed him like crazy, I wasn't really thinking much about the time.

Well now I am.
Damn it.

I've been feeling shitty since yesterday afternoon. Spent most of the time since then laying on the couch. Too much time to think. Gotta get back to "busy" tomorrow.

But, something constructive did come out of the thinking: I realized an important thing. I knew I was going to miss a lot of things when C. left - d/s being one of them. But I realized that it's not as I feared: I don't miss C. telling me what to do - frankly, he doesn't do that very much, anyway. He makes sure I know how he likes things, and I just "handle" it. It's not like I have a chore list or he gives me little jobs to do every day. I don't think I could handle being micro-managed, and I know he couldn't handle having to do it. No - I don't miss a "to do" thing - I miss a "pleasing him" thing. It's a big difference, at least from where I sit.