Good topic on the StrictlyDs list recently - about romanticizing BDSM. Here's what I had to say:

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Everyone has issues. Problem is, many of those issues do not come out in
the first five dates or online or on the phone. You think you're getting
"Mr/Ms Perfect". but what you're really getting is a *real* *live* person
with their own baggage and their own issues and their own problems.

I've seen it said time and again that getting to know each other online is
either like "Speed Dating" or "Better than RT, because you fall in love with
who a person IS, not what they look like." I call bullshit on that. Online,
you're getting to know what a person WANTS you to know about them (or, what
they want you to BELIEVE about them).

Even meeting folks at scene parties, when they're always "on" can be
deceiving for people. Sure, that dude always wears leather and is always in
Dominant Mode at a scene party or munch - but if you haven't seen him, pants
around his ankles, doing his "business" or you haven't seen him hunched over
the toilet puking his guts out, chances are, you haven't seen the real him.
Have you watched his face while he pays bills? Have you seen how he eats
his eggs? Have you seen his kitchen cupboards? No? Then you don't know
him as well as you think you do - and his issues *will* come out, sooner or
later.

No shame in having issues. We all do. The problem with the romanticism of
ds, as I see it, is the ignorance of those issues, and how to deal with
them - or, if you even *want* to deal with them.

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I feel an essay coming on about this. Big time. Auntie Screamer needs to get back to work.