And again, here's the thing

I'm typically a happy person. I am an optimistic person. I am a creative, talented, well-humored person.

For four weeks, I mired myself in misery.

That ended Thursday night.

I made a choice. A choice to be happy.

Yes, it really is that easy.

I decided that I didn't like feeling like shit, so I changed how I was feeling.

By focusing on what I do have in my life as opposed to what's wrong with it, or what I don't have -- I realized that I do have plenty to be happy about.

And then I was.

And am.

And will continue to be.

Back to normal. No more whining, I promise.

Mondays suck

I love Snoopy.

And today, this picture not only makes me laugh, it's how I'm feeling.

Dance

There's this song that my mom loves. It's country. I don't like country. But this song -- every time I hear it, even the Muzak version -- I get all choked up.

The song - "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack - is one of those songs that gets played at weddings and Sweet Sixteen dances. My mom found little books, with a CD single of the song included, that she gave to my niece and nephew when they got old enough to understand the sentiment. It's one of those "Coming of Age"/"Have a wonderful life with no regrets" kinda songs.

I heard the Muzak version the other day at the grocery store. And as per usual, I got a little choked up. But more than that, I started to think the lyrics in my head.

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I danced.

Not in the grocery store, silly. Not even in my head. In my life.

Granted, from ages 18-25, I made horrible choices. I put myself in physical and mental harm's way, alienated my family and friends, destroyed trust and generally ran wild with no thought for my future.

But somehow, when I met my first husband, I started to value things that for the previous 7 years I disdained. That marriage turned to shit, but it doesn't mean that it lost it's value in what it reminded me about my life.

I got back on track (mostly) and I got serious about life.

But I didn't stop dancing. I just picked a more complimentary style.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making

I took those risks and I loved when it was a mistake and I try still very hard not to regret any of it. I try to find good in all the bad that's happened.

But I definitely danced. I danced my way to the West Coast and then to the East Coast and back to the Midwest. I danced through one serious live in relationship and an ill-conceived marriage. I danced through being a Navy Wife, a soap maker, a published erotica author, a systems analyst, a good daughter and a good friend. I lived my life with the knowledge that I could sit on the sidelines or I could dance.

So I danced.

Lately, I have not been dancing. And I miss that.

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

I don't know what took the music out of my life, or when exactly it happened. But it's time to start looking for a new CD or a new CD player. (that's a metaphor btw, I listen to most of my music on the computer ...)

I need a song.
And I want to dance.